That doesn't, however, say at the same time that you can't be a complete romantic. Love poems are fabulous. The best are dinner dates. And nothing beats a doting partner getting flowers (or pizza). These are fun add-ons; you can do sweet things for each other to illustrate just how passionate you are. But just like your heart-shaped giant eyes, they're not what's going to hold you together.
1. Being Able To Trust Each Other
And we're not just talking about cheating and infidelity, but we're talking about confidence in intimate information, confidence in being vulnerable, confidence that they will come through in a a difficult time, and so on, Klapow says. Everything means that your partner has your back and you've got theirs.
You will live a life of stress and hurt without trust. So ask yourself, do you really want to spend your days having a shady or unavailable partner with the gut-twisting concern that comes with it? It's no way to live, so make it a goal of trust.
You can work on getting there over time if it doesn't come right away, possibly with the help of a therapist. Talk about why you don't feel safe or cared for at present, and come up with ways to build confidence together.
2. Having A Solid Sense Of Respect
Especially when the idea of breaking up and losing the person you love so much sounds positively miserable, it is tempting to look the other way. Keep in mind, though, how much more important respect is than just being in love when looking for a solid relationship.
As therapist Nancy Kislin, LCSW, MFT, says, respect is all about respecting the distinctions between each other. There's no need for a couple to have the same interests or even passions, but they need the ability to understand the other, she says to Bustle. Without judgment, demands, and unreachable expectations, one must be present with his partner.
3. Feeling Safe & Secure Around Each Other
These types of relationships, of course, can get stickier than that. As LCSW therapist Rachel Dubrow says, "If you are in a love relationship, it is likely that you will stay in it because one or more of your inherent needs are met." Love can satisfy many needs, such as a need for support, or connection, for validation.
It's often best to look for a safe way out in the event of a toxic situation. Love, no matter how hard you try, is never going to be enough to fix an emotionally abusive partner.
4. Working On Your Overall Sense Of Happiness As A Couple
This takes work, even in the most loving, head-over-heels relationships. It is important to continue learning about each other, including expressing your hopes , dreams and fears, Klapow says. "It is important to consider what drives your partner in their lives and how that can evolve over time," he says.
Not only does it help you feel closer, but when times get tough, it can also mean giving each other a boost. Love is one thing, but helping each other truly helps build the illusion that you really have a partner. And what could have been better than that?
5. Genuinely Liking Each Other
is more normal for people to remain in relationships with people they
don't really like because they love them, than you think. Think about
that family member who always judges you or is not so easy to get along
with, if you can't wrap your brain around it. Because they're family,
you love them, but you don't actually like being around them.
With a partner, the same thing can occur. You may love them so much, but you don't like hanging out, you don't make each other laugh, and you don't have anything in common. So if stuff has become old, take note.
While you can't force yourself to like someone, it is important to create and sustain an ongoing sense of connection. Klapow says, "It's all about really being curious about who your partner is, who they are becoming, and how you can find common interests and relationships."
6. Retaining Your Sense Of Self
This is not inherently a dealbreaker, and this is not the fault of the partnership (or your partner). But you'll want to make an effort to hang on to who you are, the fundamental truths. By making time for things that are important to you, and motivating your partner to do the same, you will work with your partner to get back to yourself.
Have you been in the midst of writing a book? Had they been practising for a half marathon? In reality, encouraging each other to return to their own hobbies and interests leads to a greater sense of love as well as a more meaningful connection.
7. Hanging Onto Your Independence In The Relationship
In your choices, you should (and certainly should) include your partner, but you should also feel free to determine what's best for you and, if appropriate, to carve out your own course. As an example, this might look like going to graduate school for a few years on the opposite side of the nation, even though it means being separate. You will understand and support the right partner.
Ultimately, reflecting on your own individuality would enhance the bond because, instead of defining yourself through the relationship, you will both come to it as fully actualized humans.
8. Creating A Fair Partnership
To build the type of relationship that lasts, it is important to focus on striking a balance when it comes to things like chores, emotional support, and so on. Sure, by standing up when necessary and being compassionate, you can help each other out, and show love. But make sure to periodically check in so that things stay equal.
As Kislin says,' Having love at the core can distract from other questions and feelings when evaluating a relationship as a whole, such as' Do we want the same things?',' Can we compromise well?',' Do we respect each other?',' Are we emotionally available?' among others,' Keep asking yourself these questions, and it will never feel unilateral.
9. Updating Each Other About Your Needs
This brings us back to the notion that it's more important to your happiness than love. You should work on your sexual compatibility, of course, but it doesn't matter how much you love your partner if you've done it all and you're tired of trying. It will become a big challenge to hold back or feel like your needs aren't being met.
"As Klapow says," In a relationship, nothing is static. As time passes and people change and the relationship changes, if the relationship is to last, this needs to be acknowledged. "Talking about sex more frequently will keep the bond alive.
10. Working On Your Communication Skills
As Dubrow says, when a couple gets caught up in misunderstandings, avoids such difficult subjects, or focuses too much on one issue in their relationship, leading to cyclical arguments, a relationship will start to crumble. That can lead to anger and resentment, in turn.
In the universe, you can have all the attention, but good communication will be what makes it work in the long term. "It is important to get 'on the same page' in relationships," Dubrow says, "so that you can learn to move through tough times."
11. Feeling Ready For The Relationship
If things feel a little off, talking about what you want with your partner, and where you see things going long-term, will help both of you find out if what you have is really, really working. All relationships are different, and there are a lot of solvable problems. But in a healthy relationship, love, though wonderful and obviously necessary, is not the only ingredient, or even (possibly) the most important ingredient.